Today, I cry my heart out. I cry the love that never get started but end miserably. I’ll write your name on a nothingness of forever. I love you endlessly until i couldn’t pronounce your name. I will find my succored in an empty space of my mind. Today, I know I can breathe again.

-Whiteangel

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These days is the most difficult time of my life

It was as if I’m suffocating with so much sorrow

I inhale the inevitable line of agony

I can’t breath

I can’t focus

Tell me, what’s wrong?

Tell me, where do I go wrong?

I’m begging you to tell me the reason

Because, now, I’m slowly drifting away

 

-Whiteangel

Akala mo inlab ka at ito na ‘yun, siya na para sa’yo.
Siguro tama ka, pero bago mo pagsaklubin ang langit at lupa o paghiwalayin ang dagat sa lupa, hilahin mo siya sa’yo, patayin n’yo ang ilaw, patayin ang inyong computers at telepono, pati na rin ang telebisyon.
Ilayo n’yo ang sarili sa mundo. Ito ba ang taong gusto mong makasama sa dilim?
Ito ba ang taong gusto mong makasama sa katahimikan?
Ito ba ang taong gusto mong kasama kahit wala kayong ginagawa?
Dahil ang buhay ay hindi lamang puro saya – ito’y kaumbas ng maraming pagsubok, problema na kailangang suongin ninyong dalawa.
Ang habambuhay ay hindi dapat isiping habang buhay, kung’di isipin mong napakaigsi lang ng buhay; sa isang kisap-mata; at sa gitna ng kulog at kidlat maaaring wala kana.
Isinalin ni Whiteangel
From ‘About Forevers’ by Marina V.

Wala Ka Na

Gumising ako sa umaga na maga ang mata,

Kumikirot ang bandang dibdib ngunit natulala na naman sa isang sulok,

Unti-unting sumungaw ang luha at agad nag-uunahang pumatak,

Naaamoy ko na naman ang pabangong unti-unting nagpapabalik sa nakaraang pilit ko nang tinatakasan,

Tatlong buwan na buhat ng ako’y iyong iwanan,

Siguro pwede na iyon sa 3 month rule na sabi ni Popoy sa One more Chance,

Pero bakit ganun pa rin ako? Ganun pa rin ang nararamdaman ko?

Mahal pa rin kita…

At hindi ko na kaya.

Makikita ko na naman ang sarili kong nakaupo sa malamig na konkoretong sahig ng banyo,

Habang nakatulala at litong-lito,

Ganito nalang ba sa araw-araw?

Pagod na rin ako.

Pagod na pagod.

Demons

I have been dealing with different kinds of demons for the past few years. They desired my body as their own temple. They need me exclusively; tasting, sucking, imitating, banging until i became weary and untouchable. I walked as if hypnotizing the vivid surrounding of hypocrisy. Laughing in the middle of the night like a queen of Ikebana. Once i set my eyes into normalization, I began screaming for help but nobody become a succor. Wandering the land of unknown, until i exhaustedly retreat.

Night by night.

Day by day.

I’m searching for poison.

To be able to vanish rapidly.

I cannot take it anymore. I cannot.

Panic

I woke up with a calloused heart and i felt my bones crack its intensity. I’m terrified for a moment, like it’s a novel to me. I pause and breathe for a seconds only to taste the blandness of scorch self. I saw you passing by the corner, stoical and malevolence. I become numb because i know you’re not going to move to my place. I bangs in my thoughts and act like a dupe over and over again. Trying to conceal how I feel, I hold my breath every time you look straight in my eyes. The extreme gaze makes me shiver down my spine and berate myself for the act. I want to run to you just to taste the sweetness of your lips, the warmth of your hug, and the smell of your skin. Only to realize, you’re gone.